Archive for the ‘Jealousy And Trust’ Category

The Jealousy Quiz – Futile and Useless

Sunday, August 1st, 2010
300px Loudness jealousy The Jealousy Quiz – Futile and Useless
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So you want to take a jealousy quiz? For what, to see how jealous you are? You are either feeling jealous or you are not. You know when you are feeling jealous. Jealous is an emotion, it is not necessarily a state of being or a character type so forget about taking a quiz to let you know how you are feeling.

Would you go to the doctor to ask him if you are having a headache and the severity? Of course you would not. So quizzing yourself to find out what you already know is a waste of your time and all you will end up knowing is what you already know – you harbor jealousy feelings. Maybe what you are really interested in is why you have these feelings. If the jealousy quiz does that, then you should be provided with some useful insights. One good way to know if the quiz will be of any use is the type of questions asked.

For example, here are some questions you may find in any number of jealousy quizzes being offered online and even in books.

    You are at your wife’s office party. You notice a gentleman flirting with her and she is definitely flirting back. Would this bother you?

If you are a normal person any at all and the relationship means anything to you, of course it would bother you. Your wife flirting openly in that situation is not only indiscreet but a little disrespectful. Would your feelings mean that you are jealous? No, it may just mean that you are annoyed.

Another question you may find in these quizzes is one that goes like this:

    Your husband has to leave home for a week to go on a business trip. Would you be bothered by this?

Let us say you answer yes to this question, what would that tell you – that you are jealous? Not necessarily, you may just be insecure or extremely lonely for some reason.

But lets say you answer no, would that tell you that you are not jealous? – Of course not. Jealousy is sometimes situational in nature – it all depends on the situation.

So the questions posed in most jealousy quizzes will hardly serve any useful purpose to you, not because they are lousy but because jealousy is such a complex emotion, added to the fact that most quizzes treat it as a personality type or characteristic which is wrong – it is an emotional state.

If you really wish to explore your jealousy issues, maybe a good place to start is in why do you feel jealousy – not so much as to what happened but why you react to what happen or perceive to have happened with jealousy. That is much more useful than taking a jealousy quiz.

The Jealousy Quiz – Futile and Useless

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Avoid Romantic Jealousy –- Build Trust

Sunday, July 25th, 2010

Building trust is one of the surest ways to avoid feelings of jealousy in your romantic relationship. Without adequate levels of trust there are likely to be needless suspicions, apprehensions and insecurity. Investing some time and effort into building trust will pay huge dividends in many areas of your relationship and in particular lessen the likelihood that you will have jealousy issues.

What is Jealousy

We all tend to get confused about jealousy and what it is, mistaking it for envy at times. Jealousy is markedly different from envy. And it is important that we understand this difference so as not to waste time trying to address the wrong problem. Basically jealousy involves at least three parties. One party in a relationship with another perceives that there is a threat to that relationship from a third party. Whether or not that perception is based on reality does not really matter, what matters is the perception exists.

Envy on the other hand normally involves one person wanting something that someone else has or worse, wanting another person to not having something.

Trust and Jealousy

As obvious as it may seem that the building of trust will lessen the likelihood that jealousy will be a problem in a romantic relationship, it is surprising how we tend to take trust for granted. We would like to believe that trust just happens as long as there are no circumstances requiring mistrust. However trust has to be built over time in a relationship if it is to be really meaningful and be a bulwark against suspicions, apprehension and jealousy itself. The more work that is done to build trust, the less likely it will be that the problem of jealousy will take root in a romantic relationship.

Some Strategies for Building Trust

* Communicate, communicate, and communicate. Communication does not equal talking. Communication means actually having a conversation and sharing. A lack of real communication in a relationship tends to build distance between the parties and the more distance there is the more likelihood that there will be misunderstandings and even suspicions.

* Share your plans, share what you are doing with your life, share your aspirations. If you trust someone to share at this level then the trust will most likely be reciprocated. Reciprocation of trust can only result in a stronger bond in the relationship.

* Share your principles about life in general. This is probably one of the most powerful ways to really build trust in a relationship. Sharing your principles means you will have to talk about your values and what those values mean to you. If you allow someone to get to know you at this level and vice versa, in a setting such as a romantic relationship then the environment it bound to be enriched with a high level of trust and respect.

* Walk the talk. Allow your spouse to experience you living out your principles as much as possible. Cease on opportunities in the relationship to demonstrate these principles. This makes the relationship even more authentic and seems a safer place to be.

While there is no guarantee that jealousy issues will never crop up in your relationship, applying simple, common-sense strategies like those above can go a long way in preventing jealousy from ever become a real problem for you and your spouse. Your relationship deserves no less.

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Jealous and Trust — You Can’t Have Both

Saturday, July 17th, 2010

Intense Jealousy in a romantic relationship can be one of the most debilitating emotions. Yet some people hold onto jealousy because it seems to serve them well.

People get jealous for any number of reasons in this type of relationship. Sometimes this jealousy may be well founded while at other times it may be totally uncalled for. It is one thing when a particular situation within a relationship justifies the feeling of jealousy. However, It is totally another situation when the jealousy is not driven by any particular situation but mainly by the insecurity of one person in the relationship.

Jealousy, Control and Possessiveness

Sadly, some people due to a high level of insecurity will use jealousy to try to control their partner’s actions, who they associate with and even what they do. This behavior is often accompanied by possessiveness that itself can stress the relationship. Oftentimes the person displaying the jealousy has little or no real reason to feel that way, apart from the fact that there is the desire to keep their partner focused on them only.

This is an extremely dangerous game to play in a relationship and since one party will soon realize that they are being manipulated and controlled, it becomes difficult for that person to want to be completely open. This is where trust starts to suffer and it is only a matter of time before distance grows between both parties.

No one enjoys being with someone who is overbearing, controlling and who seemingly do things for very selfish reasons. And this is precisely how an insecure person who relies on the constant portrayal of jealousy will behave in a relationship. Sometimes one person in the relationship will act jealous in order to invoke guilt from their partner. This is done with the belief that with guilt comes more attention and dedication. This is a zero sum game where no one will win as very soon the other person will soon clearly see what is going on and trust will be severely compromised.

What To Do When Jealousy Is Used To Control

If you find yourself in this type of guilt-based relationship where jealousy is used to invoke guilt time and time again, then you need to take a good look at what is really the cause of the jealousy and deal with the identified causes. Using jealousy to manipulate in a relationship is an extremely dangerous game to play and the danger is that for a time it may work and seem to bring suitable results but in the long run it will destroy your relationship.

Steps you can take to rid your relationship of this malady are:

* There first need to be acceptance by both parties that this is in fact happening and is a problem. If you do not accept that there is a problem, then it is going to be impossible to find a solution.

* Have a frank and honest discussion on what factors may be causing the insecurity in the relationship.

* Try to understand how the associated factors result in feelings of jealousy.

* Face down these factors by asking yourself if they are real or just a product of someone’s imagination.

* If the factors are the result of fear at what may happen in the relationship, then you need to find out why these fears exist in the first place and confront them.

* Keep on working on each identified issue, going deeper and deeper with each party’s feelings until you fully understand what is going on. At that point, it should get easier to deal with the issues. But be true to the process and persevere. The results will come if you are both sincere.

With acceptance, honesty and perseverance you can rid your relationship of debilitating jealousy and the resultant frustration. There should be no placing of blame nor accusations. See the problem as apart from yourselves and something that you both have a responsibility to address.

Debilitating jealousy and trust cannot exist in a romantic relationship at the same time. It is for particularly for this reason why you should seek to address it early if you or your partner start to experience constant feelings of jealousy, whether the jealousy is justified or not, but especially if it is not justified. Your relationship deserves to enjoy mutual trust, or else why waste your time by being together?

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Jealousy And Low Self-Esteem

Thursday, July 15th, 2010

Jealousy can be felt in different situations, but more often than not, even if there is justification for the jealousy, there is usually some association with self-esteem. Sometimes this is a kind of chicken or egg situation where it is hard to tell what came first, the jealousy or the lack of self-esteem.

In order to understand the nature of your jealousy you should examine your own self esteem to see if it is a contributory factor or your self esteem was in fact damaged by the situation that resulted in you feeling jealous.

Troubled By Jealousy? – Examine Your Own Self Perception

It is very tempting to look to blame other people for our sense of lack. However, if we are to be honest we have to be prepared to look inside for what may be contributing feelings towards our jealousy. If you are confident in who you are, feel quite adequate as a person then it is hardly likely that you are bothered in any way by low self-esteem and this is unlikely to have much to do with your jealousy.

Low Self-Esteem Makes You More Susceptible To Jealousy

However, if you suffer from low self-esteem you run the risk of feeling less capable, less gifted or less fortunate than others even when that is not the reality. This can further lead to you feeling jealous of others, their social status, material possessions or professional accomplishments. The one sure way to fix this problem and to make yourself far less susceptible to this type of jealousy is to vow to be the best person that you can be. If you always strive to be the best that you can be, you will cultivate confidence in your own abilities, get to know your own capabilities and limits and operate within their scope. You will no longer be tempted to look at others yearning to be like anyone else with the resultant feelings of jealousy.

How Jealousy Makes You Less Appreciative of You

Jealousy is a natural human emotion that we all will feel from time to time given the vagaries of life itself. But it can also be a dangerous baggage to carry around, holding you back, making you much less appreciative of your own capabilities and gifts than you should be. This is because when you feel jealous of someone or their achievements you are saying to yourself that person or those achievements are more important than whatever gifts or capabilities you may have. If you allow yourself to accept those feelings as justified, then no wonder you will see less in yourself and more in others. The end result is that the focus will always be on others and not on you. You have to challenge these thoughts and see them for what they are – distortions about yourself in relation to others.

Jealousy and Low Self-Esteem – How They Feed Each Other

Coupled with low self-esteem, jealousy can be a raging emotional inferno that can wreak havoc in many aspects of your life. The more you engage in feelings of jealousy, the more you are likely to feel low self-esteem. The reason for this is easy to understand. If you ascribe more importance to things outside of you or to other people, the less important you are likely to feel to yourself. Each feed on the other and pretty soon the problem becomes much more complex than just jealousy or low self-esteem.

If jealousy is an issue in your life and is particularly the result of low self-esteem, be sure to get help early to deal with it as the longer you harbor it, the more difficult it becomes to rid your life of it. A good place to start is to challenge your beliefs about yourself in relation to other people by enumerating your positive traits. You may just find that there is much more to you than you thought.

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